On the evidence of tonight’s travel issues, my initial response would be no. Transport for London has created an underground station concourse in Kings Cross/St Pancras which without fail cannot cope with the level of people who want to enter it on a Friday night between 6 and 7pm. As a result I missed putting my son to bed and one of my great joys in life, reading to him as he falls asleep. It made me feel more than sad. It also gave me the impetus to write this post which I’ve been thinking about for a while now and have felt the need to write in particular in the last week since a throw away comment from a phone-in guest of a radio show made me nearly apoplectic with rage.
Last weekend while driving to see some old friends for lunch we were listening to Radio5. I tend in the UK to flit between Radio4 and Radio5, veering more towards Radio5 on days when there’s sport to be heard. Part way through the show normally hosted by Gabby Logan, but this last week hosted by Emma B there was potentially an interesting debate relating to the recent report that children are currently more unhappy than previous generations have been. This discussion, involving the erudite-beyond-her-years Youth Mayor of Tower Hamlets, was spoilt for me by a seemingly throw away quote, which if a man had said it about working mothers would have probably and rightly so brought out a lynch mob.
The comment was made by Suzie Hayman from ParentlinePlus and when asked if the problem was working mothers she laid the blame at the feet of “selfish fathers” who stay late at work. I personally think this was an amazingly crass, almost knee jerk response, amazingly so from a professional involved with trying to solve children’s issues. Sure there are some fathers who work late and stay late in a selfish manner, however the majority of working fathers I know aren’t in this camp. Likewise there may be working mothers who do the same. Furthermore, I think it’s a superficial response to what is actually quite an important tear in societal fabric which needs fixing.
The long working hours culture of the English-speaking western world, where people are expected to work late is endemic. Who of us has not seen the words “you may be required occasionally to work outside of standard working hours” in contracts, knowing that what it means is that you’ll often be doing what is effectively unpaid overtime which would have caused a major labour dispute in any industry of the 70’s.
Whilst society is understanding of a mother’s need to leave work at a reasonable hour of the day to be home with children it is less so for fathers. At this point I’d like to say that all of my current and previous paymasters have been understanding, but even so, especially within the digital industries, people and in particular men, leaving at 6pm is a rarity and leaving at 5.30pm unheard of. Sure you could try leaving early, but I’m guessing that your career progression will stall very quickly as there will always be someone younger, single and hungrier to stay late even if they are not as experienced or even as productive. Many people have associated the increased ability of parents to multitask and efficiently timeslice to improved productivity in the workplace, or even to just give a dose of objectivity.
Much research has shown the importance of fathers reading bedtime stories and being actively involved in evening activities such as bathtime and evening feeds. Despite this society seems to be moving further into a long hours culture and comments from professionals such as Suzie only make the lack of knowledge, understanding and debate in righting this situation worse. In my father’s and grandfather’s generations working hours were shorter and societal pressures less on fathers to stay late at work and miss wonderful and valuable time with their kids.
I’m sure absent fathers is an issue. What I’d like to propose is that they’re not necessarily selfish and they’re probably not absent out of choice. They’re just safeguarding their jobs, trying to better their families position and doing it despite the naysayers like Suzie and the lack of governmental and societal protection. And just don’t get me started on paternity leave.
